Class 20: Attraction and Relationships
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Class Notes
Attraction is based on a number of aspects-- availability, desirability, making contact, and so on. We'll be talking about these ideas in this session.
Availability - you can't begin a relationship with someone who you never have contact with. These people are often close in proximity, meaning that they live or work near you. This is often tied to the "mere exposure effect" in which familiarity can lead to attraction.
Desirability - Think of who is desirable to you. Did you happen to write down the age range, race, level of education? We often assume when we are thinking about our mate choice that they will be the same as us. This is called homophily. We often find mates who are similar in terms of age, race, education level or social class, and religion.
Attraction - Scholars used to believe the matching hypothesis-- that people are attracted to people at the same level of attractiveness as themselves. While this hypothesis works in personal ads, it often doesn't work in real life. People often want to go out on dates with people who are more attractive than themselves, but will make allowances in personal ads.
What are the rewards for being with an attractive person?
- Raise the status of the individual. If you have an attractive significant other, it indicates that you have higher status to attract such a mate.
- The assumption is that what is beautiful is good-- if the significant other is beautiful, it indicates that s/he is also caring, interesting. This is called the "Halo Effect."
The more knowledge you have about someone, the less attractiveness matters.
The people who care the most about attractiveness are those who follow traditional gender roles.
Making Contact- When you first want to get to know someone, you need to establish contact. You do this by:
- Establish Gaze- attempt to get the person's attention, and figure out if they are available for conversation
- Opening line- come up with a way to begin a conversation
- Access Display- this is the way people open the line to show they are available and desirable.
- Attitudinal similarity- the degree to which people's attitudes match.
- Evidence suggests that opposites don't, in fact, attract. Instead, birds of a feather flock together.
- Mood similarity
- Hobby/Activity/Preference similarities
- Self-disclosure- the more people disclose about themselves, the more the relationship grows
- Trust- developing trust within a relationship is important for its growth.
- Interdependence- people come to depend on one another more and more
- Dyadic withdrawal- when two people withdraw from those around them
- Cognitive- all you do is think about that person
- Emotional- whatever they feel, you feel.
- Behavioral- you want to be with that person all the time.
- True love can strike without interaction-- love at first site.
- There is only one true love.
- True love can overcome any obstacle
- Our beloved is (nearly) perfect
- We should follow our heart at all times
- Students dismiss this 5th one, but most college students agree with the first four
- Men are more likely to believe the first four than women.
- Consider the costs, which can include material costs, symbolic costs, and affectual costs.
- Are the costs worth the benefits? Are there other available (and attractive?) alternatives? What about past behavior?
- We look for equitable relationships. We want to get out of the relationship what we put into it.
- More likely to be upset with differential commitment-- where one person is more committed than the other.
- Exit- leave the relationship (break up)
- Voice- discuss the dissatisfaction
- Loyalty- grin and deal with it individually.
- Neglect- this is the cowardly option, if you neglect the relationship, you assume the other party will get upset and break it off.
Works Cited
